I find myself living on a runaway train these days. I was on this runaway train right after Sarah Kate was born have jumped back on since school started. Everything is a blur of diapers, meals, kissing boo-boos, settling toy disputes, carpool, overseeing various educational pursuits, paying the electric bill and sweeping the kitchen floor, and any coherent thought I have beyond what to make for dinner is so fleeting I’m not even sure it was there. The runaway train isn’t bad–it is exactly what God has called me to in this season, but it doesn’t necessarily lead to much tangible productivity. If this train should happen to make a stop at the Blogging Station, you’ll be the first to know.
How Deep the Father’s Love August 22, 2009
This summer I studied the attributes of God with a wonderful group of women using “Behold Your God” by Myrna Alexander. (I highly, highly recommend this study.) It amazes me how God ordained the events of the summer of 2009 for me and for my family, and He knew exactly what I would need to learn about Him in the midst of those circumstances. He knows our every need and provides for them all!
One thing that stood out to me from the study is the nature of God’s love toward us. God is perfectly loving and good, and He also does not and cannot change. (See Jeremiah 31:3 and Malachi 3:6). That means that God’s love for you is always exactly the same. He is just as good to you today as the day He nailed your sin to the cross with His Son. It is easy to flippantly say, “God is good all the time.” But honestly, it feels like there are some days that God’s goodness is a little less prevalent in our lives. With our narrow vision, with our earthly perspective of what is and isn’t good, God’s goodness seems to vary.
But when God tells us about Himself in Malachi 3:6, He says He does not change. His goodness does not waver. Nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus–His perfect, steadfast, unchanging love.
I thought of this today as I was singing “How Deep The Father’s Love For Us.” This is one of my all-time favorite songs. It is a powerful reminder of the love God showed when He turned His face away from his dying Son in order to transform rebellious people like me into His sons and daughters. And He shows me this exact same love and goodness every day of my life. He is just as loving today as on the day He set me free from sin, guilt, death and hell. Praise Him for this wonderful truth!
“How Deep the Father’s Love for Us”
Words and Music by Stuart Townend
How deep the Father’s love for us, how vast beyond all measure,
that He should give His only Son to make a wretch His treasure.
How great the pain of searing loss, the Father turns His face away,
as wounds which mar the Chosen One bring many sons to glory.
Behold the Man upon the cross, my sin upon His shoulders;
ashamed, I hear my mocking voice call out among the scoffers.
It was my sin that held Him there until it was accomplished;
His dying breath has brought me life–I know that it is finished.
I will not boast in anything, no gifts, no power, no wisdom;
but I will boast in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection.
Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer,
But this I know with all my heart; His wounds have paid my ransom.
A New Life Verse July 30, 2009
I think I have found my “Life Verse.” I’ve never had a life verse before, but I know people who do. The verses are usually very inspirational, something along the lines of reaching the nations or future generations for God. Good stuff, really. My favorite verse thus far is Romans 8:1, but it didn’t seem to fall into the Life Verse category.
But a couple of weeks ago when I was doing my Bible study (an awesome study of God’s attributes which deserves many, many blog posts that I don’t currently have time to write), I came across a verse I’ve never noticed before:
2 Chronicles 20:12: We don’t know what to do, but our eyes are on you.
Some context for those of you who don’t have 2 Chronicles memorized: King Jehoshaphat and the Israelites are watching multiple nations of enemies coming against them in battle. They know there is no way they can defeat this multitude. Jehoshaphat calls the people together, and they cry out to the Lord, asking what they should do. It specifically mentions that they are all standing before the Lord, along with their wives and children. Can you imagine this picture? Standing there, clutching your children to you, watching the enemy come, knowing you are powerless against them and crying out to the Lord for help. (To see how it ends, see 2 Chronicles 20.)
This has definitely become my Summer Verse, if not my Life Verse. For one thing, this verse is very easy to memorize. It rhymes and has lots of 2’s in the reference. And if there is one theme in my life right now, it is that I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to encourage my 5-year-old to not become a prideful Pharisee who craves approval and does all the right things only when someone is watching. (It takes one to know one, and that kid is just like me.) I don’t know how to encourage my 3-year-old to put his poop in the potty rather than in his pants. And I certainly don’t know how to encourage my sister-in-law as she battles the most formidable enemy we’ve faced in a long time: breast cancer.
I don’t know what to do, but my eyes are on the One who is my refuge and strength, an very present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1). He promises His perfect wisdom is ours for the asking. (James 1:5). He hems me in, behind and before, and lays His hand upon me (Psalm 139:5). When my eyes are on Him, I can choose to be overwhelmed by His love and goodness toward me, rather than being overwhelmed by my circumstances. (With thanks to my summer Bible study leader for this last thought.)
I don’t know what to do, but my eyes are on You.
Adventures in Couponing July 11, 2009
Several months ago, my husband started expressing his desire for us to start spending less and saving more. (This may or may not have coincided with a certain Democrat being elected president and vowing to “reform” health care. But that is another story for another blog.) He has repeated this preposterous suggestion many, many times. And every time, my flesh (sinful nature) has done a good job of ignoring it. After all, his job is pretty secure, he’s not making less money than he did a year ago–why should we cut back? Shouldn’t I be doing my part to stimulate the economy and support my local retailers? (I really want Gymboree to survive this economic turmoil.) It seemed crazy for my husband to ask me to make sacrifices, and not even so I could use the saved money for something fabulous, like an iPhone or a cleaning lady. Just for the sake of spending less and saving more. He must be nuts, right?
After some conversations with my wonderful friends (if you don’t have godly, truth-speaking friends in your life, may I suggest you get some immediately?), I realized that this was a huge area of disobedience in my life. My husband is asking me to do something. He is not asking me to sin. In fact, the thing he is asking me to do is perfectly reasonable, probably a good idea, and (gulp) would be glorifying God by thinking less about my own selfish desires. I knew it was time for the S-word: submission. I couldn’t bring myself to submit right away, so I started by praying that God would convict me and enable to submit and obey. And then I turned to my local expert on honoring your husband by spending less money: my friend Lynette.
I’ve been giving Lynette my coupons out of the Sunday paper for months. I had no idea what she was doing with them, but I knew I needed to find out. I broke the sad news to her that she would no longer be getting my coupons and asked her to share her secrets with me. Thankfully, she is very supportive of my saving money AND my submitting to my husband! She taught me a few key strategies:
1. Stop being married to specific brands. I was shocked when I compared the shampoo I usually buy with some much cheaper alternatives. I’ve been having shampoo tunnel vision for months, and my hair doesn’t even look that great.
2. Track the cost of items that you buy on a regular basis. When they go on sale, stock up.
3. Keep your coupons from the Sunday paper, and then use blogs such as Common Sense With Money, Money Saving Mom and NWA Deals to find out how to maximize your savings by combining coupons with low sale prices.
4. Don’t be afraid to shop at Aldi. (I haven’t conquered this one yet. Maybe when the kids go back to school in the fall, and I don’t have to take three kids with me everywhere I go.)
This concept of combining sales and coupons is amazing! It is definitely worth spending some time on. In my first week, check out what I got . . . serious bargain-hunting bloggers always take a photo:
Pringles for 49 cents, family-size boxes of Special K for $2.50 each, Edy’s ice cream for $1.33 each, and deodorant for 38 cents! I also got a pint of Starbucks ice cream for 50 cents, but I gave that to my sister-in-law, because seriously, how much ice cream does a girl need when she has baby weight to lose?!?
Back when I was just dipping my toe into the pool of obedience but not ready to jump in, I read on a stay-at-home mom’s blog that she thinks that her job is to save her family as much money as possible. I thought, “Poor thing. My job is much more enjoyable–spending our family’s money and having fun doing it. Oh, wait . . . hmm, maybe that isn’t supposed to be my job . . . oh bummer, this woman is right!” Now I have a new view on my job description, though sometimes I miss my old job. I can’t wait to see what my new strategies will accomplish when it comes to lowering our spending, and (more importantly) pleasing my husband and letting him know that what’s important to him is important to me. I want to honor my husband with my spending, following the example given to us as women in Proverbs 31:
An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
Proverbs 31:10-11
Unthankfulness July 1, 2009
Do you know how many times my children have opened their dresser drawers and exclaimed, “Clean clothes! Washed, dried, folded and put in my drawer! Way to go, Mom! Thank you!”
Zero. Usually, all I hear is, “When are you going to wash my Transformer pj’s?” Sound familiar?
When I read Jerry Bridge’s chapter on Unthankfulness (see previous post on his book Respectable Sins), I realized that I must look the same way to God as my kids do to me. God has done so much for me and continues to sustain me every day, and I seldom stop to thank Him. God has rescued me from guilt, sin and death by delivering me from the domain of darkness and transferring me to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom I have redemption, the forgiveness of sins (Colossians 1:13-14). He has blessed me in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places (Ephesians 1:3). In addition to spiritual blessings, He has given me every ability or skill I have, a loving husband, three healthy children, friends, a home, possessions, food . . . everything I have comes from Him.
How often do I thank God for my mini-van? For the ability to go to the store when we run low on food? For the privelege of gathering with other Christians openly every Sunday to hear the Word of God preached? It is not often that I exhibit a sincere attitude of thankfulness.
I read an article on happiness recently in Good Housekeeping magazine. It said that when we buy something we want, we have a high level of satisfaction, but only for a very short time. We quickly become used to having that item around and take it for granted, and our sights turn to the next item we want. This is so true in my life. I remember last year, when I desperately wanted to replace the ceiling fan over our dining room table with a beautiful chandelier. Finally, I got my chandelier, and I loved it. For about a week, I looked at it all the time and felt happy and thankful. Now, how often do you think I still notice my beautiful chandelier? Pretty much never. Rather than being thankful for what I have, I turn my attention to that sofa I’d like to replace.
Jerry Bridges reminded me in this chapter that my unthankfulness is a sin. Sound harsh? It’s true. In Ephesians 5:20, we see the command to give “thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Bridges writes, “Failure to give Him the thanks due to Him is sin. It might seem like a benign sin to us because it doesn’t harm anyone else. But it is an affront and insult to the One who created us and sustains us every second of our lives.”
Bridges also writes about giving thanks in ALL circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18). This is a personal challenge for me right now, as someone I love very much is facing a battle with cancer. I found comfort in Bridges’ discussion of this topic, encouraging us that giving thanks in difficult circumstances can only be done by faith in the promises of God. We can only obey I Thessalonians 5:18 because we know Romans 8:28 is true: For we know for those who love God all things work together for good. In the midst of heartache, we can thank God for the good we know He can accomplish through any circumstance.
Being Mindful of God June 19, 2009
Our Sunday school class is studying “Respectable Sins” by Jerry Bridges. I highly recommend it. His basic premise is that, as Christians, we condemn “big sins” such as adultery or abortion, but we tolerate certain “respectable sins” in our own lives, such as worry, gossip, discontentment, pride, worldliness, etc.
The first so-called respectable sin Bridges discusses is ungodliness, which he defines as “living one’s every day life with little or no thought of God, or of God’s will, or of God’s glory, or of one’s dependence on God” (p. 54). He writes, “Let us then seek to be as mindful of [God] as He is of us.” This was very convicting for me, as I fear all of these chapters will be. Psalm 139 tells us that God is extremely mindful of us. He knows our every action, our every thought. He created every cell in our bodies. It makes sense that the creature should be just as mindful of the Creator as the Creator is of her. But looking at my life, I see that I fall short in so many ways.
It is easy to be mindful of God on Sunday or even during the 15 minutes that I may or may not carve out of my day in order to not look stupid this Thursday at Bible study. It isn’t hard to be mindful of God when life’s crises bring you to your knees and you know you have no answer but Him. But it is oh so difficult to be mindful of God when my child has disobeyed me for the 300th time and it isn’t even 9:30 a.m. Or when my three-year-old still won’t use the potty. Or when the baby is screaming, the boys are fighting, and dinner still needs to be made. And then hubby calls and says he will be late . . . almost never does mindfulness of God enter into my reaction at that moment! And what a difference it would make if I were living in those moments with more awareness of God’s presence, His glory, and my dependence on Him.
A Mother of Three May 28, 2009
Wow, it has been a really long time since I’ve posted to this blog! If anyone out there is still reading, thanks for sticking with me. For any of you who don’t know me personally, I’m happy to announce that my daughter, Sarah Kate, was born on April 27. She is healthy, a great sleeper, and very snuggly and sweet. She has already captured the hearts of her two older brothers. (Although her arrival may or may not have anything to do with Will deciding he is no longer going to use the potty.)
I have to admit, I was very anxious about Sarah Kate’s first few weeks. I struggled a lot after my last baby (Will) was born–I was a mess emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. I was hopeful that things would be different this time around, mostly because when my boys were born, I was not consistently in God’s Word. Thankfully, by God’s grace, I have a more sure foundation this time around.
Now, one month into this grand adventure of life with three kids, I can see God’s faithfulness to our family in so many ways. Sarah Kate’s first week was rough from a sleeping perspective . . . she was happy to sleep during the day but not at all interested in sleeping at night. My husband had taken that first week off, so he was a huge help to me in the middle of the night. I was terrified to think what would happen when he went back to work and couldn’t be up all night, every night with Sarah Kate and me. But the night before he went back to work, Sarah Kate figured out that nighttime is for sleeping. And our nights have been very manageable ever since! God knows what we can handle, and He won’t give us a smidge more than that.
Not to keep harping on sleep (but we all know it is one of the only things a mother of a newborn can think about), but since that first week, Sarah Kate has been a great sleeper. And our few difficult nights have usually been followed by a day when someone else is helping me with the boys and I am able to rest. I have seen God’s hand providing for my need for sleep over and over again.
I’ve found that the most difficult thing for me right now is juggling the needs of the three kids during the day. My temper is short and patience is lacking. There have been some really ugly days. I alternate between moments of overwhelming gratitude and seeing God’s faithfulness, and moments (okay, sometimes hours) of discontentment and longing for life to feel normal. I’ve been praying for wisdom, self-control and patience this week, and God has been providing. I know this will continue to be a struggle for me. I am constantly being called to die to myself and my selfish desires and lay down my life for my kids. It hurts sometimes, but God provides the strength to do it, and He is glorified by our obedience!
Climbing Rainbows March 13, 2009
Our sermon last Sunday was on Genesis 9, in which God makes a covenant with Noah after the flood. Our pastor pointed out that the rainbow was not a sign for Noah to remember God’s promise. Rather, it was a sign for God to remember His promise: “When I bring the clouds over the earth and the bow is seen in the clouds, I will remember my covenant that is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh. And the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh” (Genesis 9:14-15). It would do us no good to remember God’s promise if God Himself was not faithful to His promise. The rainbow reminds us that God will always remember His promise, and His remembering is powerful. Although we deserve another flood–our sin as individuals and as a human race is certainly deserving of God’s wrath–God has promised to not give us what we deserve, but rather to show us mercy by not destroying us with a flood.
Our pastor talked about one of my favorite hymns, “O Love That Will Not Let Me Go.” In the third verse (my favorite), it says:
O joy that seekest me through pain, I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain, and feel the promise is not vain,
that morn shall tearless be.
He said that George Matheson, who wrote the words, originally wrote “I climb the rainbow through the rain,” but the words had been changed. He talked about how when we are in stormy waters in our life, we don’t need to simply glance up at the sky, see God’s rainbow and have happy feelings. (I’m paraphrasing here, hoping I’m accurately depicting his point.) When the waves rage around us, we need to climb out, grasping onto the sure promises of God. We can trust God’s mercy. He is faithful to keep all His promises. We can climb the rainbow in the rain and know the promise is not vain–tearless days are ahead in Heaven, if not in this life. We may still be in the rain, but His joy will not leave us when we are holding tight to Him.
Here is a link to “O Love That Will Not Let Me Go” sung by one of my favorite groups, Indelible Grace, as well as the full lyrics by George Matheson:
1. O Love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe, That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.
2. O light that followest all my way, I yield my flickering torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray, That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.
3. O Joy that seekest me through pain, I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain, And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.
4. O Cross that liftest up my head, I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead, And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.
My Complaining Heart March 2, 2009
The Israelites are at it again. Grumbling, that is. A recurring theme in our BSF study of the Life of Moses this year is how the Israelites continue to grumble and complain in spite of all the wonderful things God has done for them. Last week, we studied Numbers 11, in which the Israelites once again complain about the manna God is miraculously providing for food each day. In our lecture, our teaching leader said that we often think we have the right to tell everyone how we are feeling at all times, especially if we are unhappy about something.
She might as well have been talking directly to me. Even with the sinfulness of complaining being pointed out to me again and again in this study, I still struggle with a complaining heart. I definitely think everyone around me needs the full story whenever something is bothering me, and there are plenty of things that bother me. I have to admit, one of the things I look forward to when my husband gets home from work is being able to unload on him all the hardships of my day. The complaining heart rears its head over and over again. And Numbers 11 reminds me that each time I complain, I am sinning and even rejecting the Lord and His provision for me (verse 20).
And then there’s the fact that I’m 31 weeks pregnant with my third child. Those of you who have walked in my shoes know exactly how this could lead to some complaining–complaining that even seems justified until you look at it through God’s holy eyes. When I first heard the BSF lecture on complaining last week, I thought, “People ask me how I’m feeling all the time. How am I supposed to answer honestly without complaining?” Our teaching leader pointed out that God desires our gratitude, regardless of our circumstances. I need to ask God to take away my complaining heart and replace it with a grateful one.
At first, I just aimed for outward change with regard to complaining. My husband may not have noticed much change yet–sorry, honey, I’m working on it–but I have tried to answer the “how are you feeling?” questions with less complaining and more thankfulness. Instead of cataloging every ache and pain for everyone who asks, I try to say I am mostly feeling good and thankful to be having a healthy pregnancy.
As I’ve made this outward change, I’ve noticed that there has been an inward change going on as well. The aches and pains don’t bother me as much anymore. They are simply reminders that God has given me the privilege of carrying this baby girl for 31 weeks, and that she is active and growing.
I still have work to do in this area . . . it is hardest to not complain to those I am closest to and other favorite topics of complaining that I need to deal with. There is a fine line between being honest about my struggles and complaining. While I want to be open and honest, I also want to glorify God with my speech and not grumble about any of the gifts He has given me–including my kids, my husband, his job, our home, and our finances.
The REAL test will come in 2 months when the baby comes and people ask, “How are you doing? Are you getting any sleep yet?” I better start asking God now to show me how to be thankful for sleep that comes in 2 hour increments!
Lessons from Leviticus February 12, 2009
Leviticus? Seriously? I never thought I’d write a blog post about Leviticus. I should have seen it coming when I started the BSF study of the life of Moses, Exodus through Deuteronomy. (I suppose there is a post on Numbers coming soon.) I don’t think I’ve ever studied Leviticus, other than a random reference here and there in other Bible studies. But as always happens with God’s Word, there are great lessons there. Here are a few that were especially meaningful to me:
In Leviticus 8, we were studying about the consecration of tabernacle and the priests. Our lesson asked the question, “Is there some area of your life that has not been consecrated (set apart) to the Lord?” This question was very convicting to me, and I wanted to write, “Is there an area of my life that HAS been consecrated to the Lord?” But I tried to narrow down some key areas that have not been dedicated to God like they should and came up with my perceived control over my life and the way I spend my time and money. I’ve been thinking lately about how I can truly consecrate these areas to the Lord.
In Leviticus 10, we read the troubling story of two of Aaron’s sons being burned up by God because they did not follow the commandments He had given them about sacrifices in the tabernacle. Our lessons often ask us what we learned about God’s character or attributes from the passage. This chapter showed me how serious disobedience (sin) is in God’s eyes. We know from elsewhere in Scripture that our sin is deserving of death, and Aaron’s sons got what they deserved. It showed me how great God’s mercy to me is–I have not gotten what I deserve. I have done much worse things than what Aaron’s sons did. And not only has God not burned me up on the spot, He sent His Son to take the punishment for all my sin that I might have eternal life.
In an overview of Leviticus, we read various passages where God gives the Israelites instructions about how to offer the various sacrifices He required. The lesson talked about how each of the sacrifices cost the worshiper something. It pointed to 2 Samuel 24:24, where David says he will not offer something to the Lord that cost him nothing. This was another convicting point for me. What have I sacrificed to God at a great cost? I volunteer in the church nursery once every three months, and that costs me very little. I am also leading the children’s choir, which carries a greater cost, and most of the time I don’t have a great attitude about that cost. My financial giving should be more sacrificial–am I truly giving something up that I want in order to give sacrificially, or am I giving what is left over? Contemplating the true meaning of sacrifice has changed my perspective about my service and giving to the Lord.
I also liked Leviticus 19:9-10 where God commands the Israelites not to harvest their fields all the way to the edges or strip their vineyards bare. They are to leave some for the poor and for travellers. This made me think about how I use my resources. When I know we have some extra money coming, I know we will tithe on it, but I usually have the rest of it spent, at least mentally, before it hits the checking account. And, apart from this commandment, it would be my right to use it as my husband and I decided. But in this commandment, God is telling His people not to consume all that they have a right to consume. I think this principle applies to me as well. I want to be more intentional about leaving some crops around the edges in a 21st-century sense . . . stashing some away for needs that arise so we are able to meet the needs of others.
