A Mother of Three May 28, 2009

Wow, it has been a really long time since I’ve posted to this blog!  If anyone out there is still reading, thanks for sticking with me.  For any of you who don’t know me personally, I’m happy to announce that my daughter, Sarah Kate, was born on April 27.  She is healthy, a great sleeper, and very snuggly and sweet.  She has already captured the hearts of her two older brothers.  (Although her arrival may or may not have anything to do with Will deciding he is no longer going to use the potty.)

I have to admit, I was very anxious about Sarah Kate’s first few weeks.  I struggled a lot after my last baby (Will) was born–I was a mess emotionally, spiritually, and relationally.  I was hopeful that things would be different this time around, mostly because when my boys were born, I was not consistently in God’s Word.  Thankfully, by God’s grace, I have a more sure foundation this time around.

Now, one month into this grand adventure of life with three kids, I can see God’s faithfulness to our family in so many ways.  Sarah Kate’s first week was rough from a sleeping perspective . . . she was happy to sleep during the day but not at all interested in sleeping at night.  My husband had taken that first week off, so he was a huge help to me in the middle of the night.  I was terrified to think what would happen when he went back to work and couldn’t be up all night, every night with Sarah Kate and me.  But the night before he went back to work, Sarah Kate figured out that nighttime is for sleeping.  And our nights have been very manageable ever since!  God knows what we can handle, and He won’t give us a smidge more than that.

Not to keep harping on sleep (but we all know it is one of the only things a mother of a newborn can think about), but since that first week, Sarah Kate has been a great sleeper.  And our few difficult nights have usually been followed by a day when someone else is helping me with the boys and I am able to rest.  I have seen God’s hand providing for my need for sleep over and over again.

I’ve found that the most difficult thing for me right now is juggling the needs of the three kids during the day.  My temper is short and patience is lacking.  There have been some really ugly days.  I alternate between moments of overwhelming gratitude and seeing God’s faithfulness, and moments (okay, sometimes hours) of discontentment and longing for life to feel normal.  I’ve been praying for wisdom, self-control and patience this week, and God has been providing.  I know this will continue to be a struggle for me.  I am constantly being called to die to myself and my selfish desires and lay down my life for my kids.  It hurts sometimes, but God provides the strength to do it, and He is glorified by our obedience!

Being a little girl’s mom February 3, 2009

After a few years of experience as a boy mom, they tell me this one’s gonna be a girl.  As excited as I am about buying pink, I’m a little nervous about this.  (And not only because I spent most of my adolescence yelling hurtful things at my own mother.)  The other day when I was praying for my kids and their marriages and future spouses, I was reminded again of the weight of responsibility that comes with raising a girl.  When raising my boys to be godly husbands and fathers, I can point to their father and say, “Look at how hard he works to support his family.  Look at how he helps me when he gets home and cares about spending time with you.”  Thankfully, my boys have a wonderful example to follow.

But this little girl will learn the most about being a wife and mom from MY day-to-day example.  What will she see?  Will she see laziness and selfishness, or diligence and service?  Will she see respect or resentment toward my husband?  Submission or manipulation?  Patience in disciplining my children, or a lack of self-control?  Will she learn to be frugal and wise in her spending habits, or will she see me rationalizing and spending on my own desires?  Will she see me seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, or will she see me seeking after the things of this world?

I am not perfect.  There are sin patterns in my life that I know my daughter will see, and I pray that God will protect her from following when I am a poor example.  I know that God is probably bringing a little girl into my life to provide even more accountability than my sons already have.

The 10 Commandments and Christmas December 15, 2008

A few weeks ago, we studied the 10 Commandments in BSF.  Since I have been a Christian for a long time, I am pretty familiar with the 10 Commandments.  I have also studied Jesus’ explanation of some of the commandments in Matthew 5, which points out that these commandments are not just about our external behavior, but also about our heart attitudes.  But this time around, I was even more convicted about different ways in which I break the 10 Commandments, and how meditating on the 10 Commandments at this time of year emphasizes the importance of the work Christ came to do for me.

I would challenge anyone to convince me that they have kept the 10 Commandments.  I’ve certainly broken all of them:  I have put other people and things before God, I have failed to worship God rightly, I have misused His name, I have failed to keep the Sabbath day holy, I have definitely dishonored my father and mother (hello, adolescence!–and beyond), I have hated others, lusted, taken what does not belong to me, lied, and coveted.  Even if you set aside Jesus’ discussion of some of these commandments and take them all purely at face value (e.g., believing that if you have not murdered someone or bowed down to a golden idol, you have not broken those 2 commandments), you have admit–that 10th commandment about not coveting anything that belongs to your neighbor has got you, doesn’t it?

I have heard some Christians say that the 10 Commandments do not apply to us.  They are from the Old Testament, the old covenant–now we are under grace, not under the law.  I disagree.  Jesus said, ““Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them” (Matthew 5:17).  And so if God requires us to keep the 10 Commandments, and if we all have to admit we haven’t done it, then we have a problem.

However, God, in His goodness and grace, not only gives us His law, but He is the one to remedy the situation when we fail to keep it.  God became man and dwelt among us, not only to teach us and heal us, but to live the perfect life that we could not live.  We cannot keep these commandments; Jesus Christ kept them perfectly, and He bore the punishment for our law-breaking on our behalf.  This truth gives us just one more reason to rejoice this Christmas!  Christ came to die for us, and He also came to live for us, to keep the law perfectly for us.

I think this is also an important point to teach our children.  When they sin, we can remind them of the One who was without sin.  Jesus obeyed His parents perfectly.  Jesus did not sin in His anger.  (I wish the Bible told us that Jesus ate his peas, it would really help me out!)  His perfection qualified Him to pay the penalty for our children’s disobedience, and it is important for them to understand that.  The baby Jesus was born to die for them, and also to live for them.  Their obedience should not be motivated by Santa’s list or by an elf on the shelf (no offense to those of you with elves on your shelves), but by gratitude to God for what He has done for us in Christ Jesus.  O come let us adore Him!

Teaching Kids Scripture July 8, 2008

This post is part of Works For Me Wednesday at Rocks In My Dryer. Head over there to see everyone else’s great ideas. You’ll be glad you did.

Scripture memory is important at our house. It began with teaching Christopher the basics of faith and life–Ephesians 6:1, Romans 3:23, Psalm 119:105, John 3:16, etc. Last year, Christopher did AWANAS, a children’s Scripture memory program. Most of the verses were pretty short, and I started coming up with little tunes to help him remember some of the longer verses. After all, Christopher had been able to learn to spell his name at a young age after I came up with a simple jingle. He still sings it to himself as he is writing is name. (Eleven letters is a lot for a 4-year-old. Note to self: Give future children shorter names.)

A year ago, I decided we could all benefit from memorizing the fruits of the Spirit found in Galatians 5:22-23. I had tried in vain to memorize them myself over the years. But when I set the verses to the tune of “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star,” it stuck. Christopher can easily remember the song, even if it has been a few months since we reviewed it. I will let him demonstrate:

Now if I could only teach the application of these verses by better living them out, especially in my interaction with my kids!

I’ve also tried setting I Corinthians 13 to “A Mighty Fortress is our God,” but I’m not sure its the best fit. Have you set Bible verses to music for your kids or have another memorization tip? Leave me a comment and tell me about it!

Addendum to original post (7/6/09):  Since this post, one primary way I have used to teach Scripture to my kids are the wonderful CDs made by Seeds Family Worship.  Visit their site to order CD’s or read posts I have written about them–they are fantastic!

Worship October 12, 2007

Last week at BSF, our teaching leader talked about how God created every human to worship. Every day, all of us are worshiping something–either the God of the Bible or someone/something else (which is idolatry). She asked us a couple of questions: Who or what do you worship? And what would others who observe you say that you worship?

The first question is one that I’ve thought about before, but the second one really got me thinking about my kids. I spend about 10 hours every day being observed by my two little munchkins. Although they are too young to articulate it, I wonder what they would say about my worship if they could. Would they say Mommy worships the things of this world, or the one true God? Do they see me chasing after the approval of others and materialistic things? Or do they see me in constant communion with my Savior? Am I worshiping myself, my desires, my comfort? Or I am making daily sacrifices to live a life that brings glory to God? I’m afraid the answers are very convicting. And seeing it through the eyes of my kids, I know that the object of my worship is not only impacting my spiritual life, but my kids’ understanding of a God-honoring life as well.

A few more things about my Grandpa’s passing (see post below) . . . spending time sharing stories and celebrating his life last week left me feeling so thankful for his legacy of faith in our family. I found out that the Scripture passage he was reading when he died was Psalm 145. The psalmist is praising God for His wonderful works and telling others of God’s greatness and majesty. I especially like verses 4-5:

4 One generation shall commend your works to another,
and shall declare your mighty acts.
5 On the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and on your wondrous works, I will meditate.

God has given us all the responsibility to tell the next generation about Him. My Grandpa certainly did his part. I hope that someday my kids and grandkids will say the same about me. And verse 5 gives me the key: I must be constantly meditating on God’s wondrous works, the foremost of which would be the work of Christ on the cross. If I am, my praise and thanks will overflow with a contagious joy that will point my kids to God. It is a lofty goal, for sure, but Grandpa showed me it can be done.

Dealing with life’s craziness September 28, 2007

I recently started attending Bible Study Fellowship, and our teaching leader is so wonderful that I’m sure I’ll be sharing many tidbits from her lectures. Last week, she said that all of us have craziness in our lives–I’m sure at this very moment, at least ten things have come to mind that you are dealing with in your own life. That’s what I started thinking about when she said it, going down the familiar path of self-pity, discouragement and mental exhaustion from worry. But the next thing she said grabbed my attention: “We can choose to deal with life’s craziness biblically or non-biblically.” Such a simple idea, and so obvious, and yet it has completely changed the way that I look at things. There are only two options, two black-and-white categories in which I can place the way I react to my kids, my husband, difficult circumstances and mundane responsibilities. One question to ask: Am I responding biblically or non-biblically?

So I sat down and thought about the three primary areas of my life that cause my emotional and spiritual struggles and then outlined my non-biblical responses and what some biblical responses would be. The first task was easy–I struggle with impatience with my kids, frustration with my husband, and feeling a lack of significance as a stay-at-home mom.

Kids: I tend to respond non-biblically by avoidance (“Just go play in your rooms for awhile, please!”) or in anger. Biblical responses would include responding in love (I Corinthians 13), displaying the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), being thankful for the time I have with them, and covering all of my parenting with a heavy dose of prayer (I Thessalonians 5:16-18).

Husband: I usually respond non-biblically because I am focused on myself and my needs. I am only seeing things from my perspective (I am tired and had a long day, and he better swoop in with a smile and unending energy and rescue me), and I end up being demanding and angry as a result. Instead, I should remember that I am called to love him sacrificially, just as God has loved me (Ephesians 5:1-2). I need to remember the stress he’s under and do what I can to support and encourage him (I Thessalonians 5:11). I need to view marriage as a tool for God to teach me and for God’s glory, not as a way to get my needs met. (More on that later from a great book I’m reading, Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.)

Burnout: I struggle as a stay-at-home mom because I am focused on my need to feel good about myself, and I am desperate for a way to earn the praise of others. (Doing laundry and raising kids isn’t working out too well in that regard.) I want my life to be easy, fun and comfortable, or at least be significant in the eyes of the world. A biblical response would be to understand that I’m working for God’s glory and His eternal purposes by investing my time in my husband and children (Colossians 3:23-24). I must remember that God is faithful to sustain me through the work He has called me to do (2 Corinthians 12:9). I must resist laziness and ask God to show me how He wants me to spend free time–it probably isn’t those continuous Law and Order reruns I’m so addicted to on cable (Proverbs 31–especially verses 15 and 27).

I wonder what it would look like to put all my thoughts and actions through a biblical/non-biblical filter. My response to my kid’s tantrum–biblical or non-biblical? My judgment of someone I encounter during the day that annoys me–biblical or non-biblical? My shopping habits–biblical or non-biblical? (Ouch.) My response when my husband wants his back scratched at 10:00 pm–biblical or non-biblical? If I could permanently attach this filter to my brain, my husband would probably have more money and more frequent back-scratching.

One side-note: Thank you to Rachel for the comment on the post below. I really appreciated the use of the word “temptation” to describe your struggle with discouragement. I so often forget that when I am feeling discouraged because I am believing lies rather than the truth, it is sin. I’m not supposed to tolerate it or continue in it, but rather identify it as sin, confess it, and turn from the temptation to give in to those sinful emotions.